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The Aftermath

I have no job and no real home.
I’m co-dependent and my ex-boyfriend was an alcoholic.

We’ve been apart for 7 months now.  My ex-boyfriend and I were together for a few years. I moved across the country to be with him and support his life with his child a couple years ago.

I found out he had invited another woman into my home and that they had been “dating” for a month, 7 months ago. 

I moved back “home” to my family who is now somewhat estranged.

I’m too old to have children so any family that I was hoping I would have is pretty much over….. I hate him for that, taking the last fertile years of my life.  Even though, he told me that he wanted kids with me, when I brought up going to the doctor to get help with having a kid, he said it was my problem, not his.  I kept hoping he would change.  I changed my life, everything I did, and it was never enough for him.  I knew if I left, I would have a hard time finding someone else to father my children, so I stayed and took care of him and his son.

He was texting me multiple times a day until a couple weeks ago when it stopped.  I found he was dating someone new. I was upset at first, as to how quickly he was doing it.  Until I remembered, he was doing it while we were still living together. Why the heck should I be surprised by that?!  Now, I’m a little happy that he’s someone else’s problem now. He sent me an email the other day about his work and I didn’t reply.  It felt so good to not reply like he used to not reply to anything I would send him.

I am aware that I am co-dependent and that trying to be with an alcoholic was stupid – I did love him.  While I was with him, I went to therapy.  I got help for my issues, while my ex kept telling me that I needed to get help. His way of projecting his issues.  I was in a marriage before and he also cheated on me.

I’m trying to move on completely and trying to re-start my life.  The jobs I interview for ask why I have been out of work for a year and I tell them I was taking classes at school, which is true, but there really isn’t a good answer.  I can’t tell them how bleeping messed up my life was before now. I also really don’t know how to proceed.  I’ve used up my savings and inheritance and I probably have to get a job doing something I could have done without my college degree.  It makes me sad that I’ve dropped this far in life but honestly, I hope it can only get better…

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